Waiting for the world to change...

I know that blogs are meant for just your everyday musings, but each time I've sat down to blog, I've said to myself, "Why blog now? You'll actually have news in a couple of days!" and I've convinced myself to wait just a couple more days. Well, it's been many couple more days, and nothing has changed. Of course I'm talking about the children, but I'll just give a basic play-by-play of life these past few months.

We flew up here on Wednesday, and on Thursday, I started my new temp-to-hire job at a big law firm, Baxter Bruce & Sullivan. They were bummed that they had to find me through a temp agency because I had every qualification they were wanting in a legal secretary, but at least they had someone who they didn't have to train on the absolute rudimentaries, and I sure felt blessed that after six months of looking for a job and not getting a nibble, and then having to give up the dispatch job (Well, not having to, of course. It was our choice. We could have stayed down there, but if we decided to move, I'd obviously have to give it up.), I was starting a new job on the very first day of being there. We were indeed blessed.

Within just a few days of being here, I pretty much fell in love with Juneau. The town doesn't have too much to it, of course, but neither did Ellensburg, and at least there's a Costco here! And I've had a hard time warming up to the ward here (I miss you, Kathy Anderson!!!!!) But Juneau itself it wonderful. It has a very laid-back atmosphere, with a feeling very similar to Olympia, but not really granola by choice, but rather by necessity. I think my favorite story about this is going to church on my second Sunday there, and there was this cute girl there probably in her mid-20's, hair done all nice and pretty, and she was wearing a very appropriate outfit for someone her age to go to church in. She then stood up to go somewhere, and my eyes popped as I noticed her brown rubber boots. Yes, the ones to the left. Sure, she was cute and the outfit was cute, but the kicker was that she coordinated with her boots!!!! Who does that??? Oh yeah, people in Juneau. People wear these boots EVERYWHERE!!! EVERYWHERE!!! Can I say it any other way? EVERYWHERE!!! And not just old people or frumpy people. Everyone. From the cute girl in church to the 3-year-old walking with mom, to the high schoolers walking to school, to the attorneys at the law firm. Ok, well, they take them off when they get to the office. But when you're walking around Fred Meyer (or Costco - hooray!), you see them on everyone. This is the type of thing that you wouldn't see anyone who wasn't old and frumpy "down south" (that's what everyone calls the continental United States), but they have become a fashion staple. I myself am not quite ready to buy them, but I did buy some cute pink and blue striped rubber boots. Baby steps.

With respect to dealing with "the system" in Alaska, we decided to take a different approach than the one we had previously adopted in Washington, fondly known as "bug the whoever it takes as often as it takes for however long it takes to get done what we need done." We turned over a new leaf (we being Scott. He's the one the social workers are afraid of in Washington), and it really seemed to be working for us! With the footwork Scott had done up here prior to me coming up, we were ready to get licensed almost immediately, and within approximately two weeks, we were done with what we needed done and licensed as foster parents. Yes!

We had decided to take the path of licensing as foster parents rather than adoptive parents because we were under the impression that when we were licensed as foster parents, the kids could come up here. Now came the time to wait for the ICPC paperwork to go through.

For those of you who don't know, the ICPC stands for "Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children," and it's basically an agreement between all the states that allows foster children and children who are going to be adopted to cross state lines. But there's a bunch of paperwork that needs to be done in order for the kids to do it. It all starts with the social worker for the kids. Jody's goal (which she achieved, yea Jody!) was to get the paperwork off her desk and over to Olympia by the time I left for Alaska. Check. The paperwork then needs to be looked over by Olympia and sent to the main office in Alaska, which happens to be Juneau. Then the main office in Juneau needs to send it to the field office of wherever the kids are going (which also happens to be Juneau, but it's a separate office). They then have to meet with us and do a quick (ha!) homestudy, after which time they send it back to the main office, who then sends it back to the main office in Olympia, who then sends it back to the field office in Yakima.

So after about three weeks of waiting and keeping in touch with our social worker, Candice, she hadn't heard about any paperwork arriving at their office for us. We finally got ahold of the Olympia office, and they couldn't find it!! WHAT?!?!! Oops! False alarm, they found it, but it had been sent on to Juneau THREE WEEKS AGO. Double WHAT?!?!?! We found this out on Alaska Day (who knew there was a State Holiday the government celebrates and the entire state shuts down. And not only that, but I just found out about Sewards day, where that happens again! Man, this Alaska thing is getting better and better!), so the next day, Scott found out whose desk it was on and met with her. She said, "Well, I'm super busy with tons of other cases, but what the heck! I'll be over tonight and we'll get this taken care of!" GASP! Tonight! Sweet!

So she came over, did her thing, we had a good talk with her and felt a good connection to her, and she said she'd type it up and have it to her supervisor the next day, who would then quickly send it to Olympia. Oh my goodness! It's all falling into place! The kids will be here soon!!!

A few days later, we haven't heard anything back yet, and we call around and find out that Carol did submit it, but the main Juneau office rejected it and sent it back to the field office (moment of silence, please). Remember how earlier I said that we got licensed as foster parents rather than adoptive parents so that the kids could get up here sooner? Well, apparently that's not good enough for Olympia, and they want us licensed as adoptive parents. It's okay, though, because our foster care worker (Candice) and the ICPC worker (Carol) have an appointment to get together and get it done. We wait a few days and check on the progress, and they haven't been able to get together yet, but it's okay because they have an appointment to get it done. Imagine having his conversation over and over again for three weeks, and that's where we're at now. We talked to Carols' supervisor, and she said that they have until November 29th to have the ICPC paperwork done and returned to Olympia, so she can't really push Carol to go any faster because she's still working within her deadlines.

The frustrating thing is that we can understand where they're coming from. From their points of view, our kids are safe at my sister's house, so it makes sense that they take care of the three-year-old girl whose foster parents beat her so badly she had to be helicoptered to Children's. But I'm watching my kids deteriorate and regress to the emotional stages (or even worse, says grandma) they were in when they came into our home for respite care because their previous foster mom couldn't handle them anymore. I say these kids need to be in their forever home NOW!!! I just talked to their grandma who has them for the weekend, and she's telling me about K and his kicking, screaming, hitting, pounding temper tantrum that he had, and R sobbing so much she's hiccuping and can't gain control over herself, and E's blatant disrespect and angry outbursts, and I see the reflections of who they when we first knew them.

When I talked to Candice yesterday and tried to quickly explain to her the toll this was taking on the kids, she did have one solution. There is what's called a 30-day visit, and it's just exactly what it sounds like. We're licensed as foster parents, so the kids could come up and visit with us for 30 days, and really by then the paperwork should all be done and over with. When I passed it on to Jody, she didn't sound too optimistic about it, but she said she'd talk to her ICPC director about it in Washington.

When I talk to the social workers, I feel like even though they hear the words I'm saying, they don't actually see how bad it is and how this is damaging the kids. I feel like they just write me off as an over-zealous mom who is blowing things out of proportion, but I know that's just not the case. I wish they had more people communicating with them about how this is affecting the kids. Surely the more people they heard saying the same thing, the more they could be convinced that these kids need to be in their forever home now, not in another month or six weeks. If you've had interactions with the kids and can give examples as to the tole this is taking on the kids, I would not be opposed to you writing Jody or Carol. On the Washington (Jody) side, it would be a letter pushing for the 30-day visit to happen, and on the Alaska (Carol) side it would be pushing for the homestudy paperwork to be completed. My inclination is to just post their e-mail addresses and let anyone do it, but out of respect for their position and privacy, you can e-mail me at cathyandrandy@gmail.com if you're interested in writing them, and I'll send you their e-mail addresses.

Okay, wipe the tears away now. Even without the kids, Scott and I have really enjoyed re-connecting as individuals, and not just as Mama and Papa. It's just been nice to be together again, especially after being apart for three months while he was here in Alaska and I was down south. I have also fallen in love again with the outdoors (Ha! You thought I was going to say Scott, didn't you? Ha!)! Did you know that Juneau has more miles of hiking trails than they do of paved roads? Well I believe it! It's hard to go for a mile without seeing a new trailhead! Heck, there's even one downtown that takes you up the mountain. It's just amazing! I totally understand what Mom and Dad meant, though, when they said that you can't wait to do things until it stopped raining. It rains a lot here. But whatever. If you're in the forest, they provide some cover anyway. I'm constantly amazed by the amount of moss and lichen there is around here! I'm constantly pointing it out, and Scott's constantly laughing at me because when one of his best friends, Emily Jackson, came and visited him before I got up, she kept stopping what she was doing to point out the lichen, too. And mushrooms! There are tons of crazy colorful mushrooms here! It's just so peaceful to be to be out here hiking in the rainforest.

About a month ago we got a call from Scott's sister, Kim, saying that their brother, Brad, had an aortic aneurism and that he wasn't doing too well. This was very terrifying to the whole family for the obvious reasons, but also because he was just a few years younger than their mother when she died because of the exact same thing, and apparently it's a hereditary condition. He kept fighting for about a month, with lots of ups and downs and hope and discouragement. Scott, Kim, and the final sibling, Dennese, were able to fly down to California and visit him for a weekend, and the day after they left, he passed away. I'm proud of Scott and that his sense of family is so strong that even though he hadn't seen his brother in probably ten years, he was the one to organize and coordinate all of the siblings going down there and saying goodbye Brad. I hope that this sense of family is something that he passes on to the kids and that I can learn from.

Like I said earlier, the first day here in Alaska I started at Baxter Bruce and Sullivan on a temporary business. They were unable to pay me enough money to keep me on, so they hired some cheaper labor and my last day there was Friday. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do yet. I'm in the running against one other guy for the records manager position at the local police department which I should find out about within the next few weeks. They're starting their background process right now. And I interviewed for a dispatcher position, and apparently they loved me (which was funny because I thought I had bombed the interview.). And I've applied for a couple of legal secretary positions with the state. We'll see what happens. It will all work out. Heavenly Father will take care of me and my family.

This was a ridiculously long blog in which I felt like I was mostly just ranting and raving. Sorry about that. But, well, that's what's going on in our life right now!

Juneau what?

Well, I'm sitting here at the hotel room taking a slight breather. This has been a whirlwind of a few weeks. Scott got home safe and sound. In fact, we were actually able to see him 12 hours earlier than we had hoped because he got an earlier flight! Every 12 hours counts! The kids had made cute little posters welcoming Papa home (of course on the back of Fred Meyer Jewelers posters). It was pretty cute: we were waiting for Scott to come up the escalator, and people were smiling and pointing at the kids and their posters. It was a very touching sight. Scott finally got there, and oh the happiness! I'm not sure who was more happy, the kids or me. For the next few days while they were with us (they went into respite care during the termination trial), the kids were all, "Papa! Papa! Papa!" They just wanted to show and tell him everything! And I listened to them crawling all over him and showering all of their attention and didn't feel one bit abandoned or dissed. In fact, I relished in it! I let him drive everywhere and basked in the ignorance (that's the right word for the act of them ignoring me, right?). That weekend we went to Olympia and let the kids spend one last bit of time with their Mahoney and Brehm cousins. We had a full weekend full of ice blocking, the Puyallup Fair, and swimming. The kids had a blast at the fair. We spent about 8 hours walking all around looking at exhibits, and riding rides, and smelling farm animals, and eating fair food. Of course being me, my favorite part was riding the roller coaster with K and the swings with R.

Papa was AMAZING at ice blocking! He must have gone up and down that hill 100 times riding with E on his lap, and R on his lap, and in trains with all the kids. I fell in love with him all over again as he just played and played with them, and I got to sit at the bottom of the hill and record them, only being forced to go down a couple of times.

The termination trial was set for Monday through Thursday. The Thursday before, we got a call from the kids' Guardian ad Litem, letting us know that no judge was available for the trial, and it was most likely going to be continued another six months. Guess how we felt about that? Man, was I happy Scott was home to receive that call rather than me. I am so grateful he's so passionate and such an amazing advocate for the children. He somehow was able to put the fear of God into someone important, and we were able to get a commissioner pro tem (basically a substitute judge) to be there on Monday and essentially hold our spot.

Monday came, and we went and sat in front of the commissioner pro tem. Bambi was a no-show (deep sigh of relief), and her attorney asked the judge for a continuance since she had spoken to her client only once three weeks previously, and despite her best efforts, she had been unable to make any contact with her since (deep breath of fear). The judge essentially rolled his eyes and said this had gone on long enough (deep sigh of relief). He said he would give her a continuance, though (deep breath of fear) for one day (deep sigh of relief), and pushed our case into the afternoon docket for an abbreviated hearing. So basically, we still need to have a hearing, but since Bambi didn't show up, her attorney didn't have any witnesses or any information to go on.

Tuesday afternoon came, and there we were in the courtroom again. The real judge showed up (deep sigh of relief), and the Assistant Attorney General (AAG - CPS's attorney) and the kids' counselor testified and their social worker testified for the State. Bambi's attorney didn't have anyone to testify, then the Guardian ad Litem testified. All very good testimonies about how enough was enough, and Bambi was all talk and no action. Bambi's attorney did have a very good argument that Bambi hadn't received all the services she needed, and at the time of judgement, the judge agreed with her (deep breath of fear) except that she hadn't participated in any of her other services fully that she had been offered, so it was reasonable to drop her from some services (deep sigh of relief) so, long story short, rights were terminated (deep sigh of *insert multitude emotions here*).

So... the kids are legally free! Or they will be in a month when it is officially finalized. Of course, Scott and I are moving to Juneau tomorrow, and there is a TON of paperwork to do in order to move the kids up to Alaska with us. Bless my sister and her family (the Fowlers) and their deep feeling of family. They're being licensed as foster parents so that the kids can live with them until we're able to all be together again. You ask how long until we're reunited? Well... so do we. We're saying six months. We're obviously hoping for less, but prepare for the worst, and hope for the best, right? While the two states are communicating with each other, we'll be moving into our home (glad we decided to get one big enough for all the kids!) and I'll be looking for a job.

Well... looking for a job is a weird way to say it. I've been searching for a job for the past eight months since I was laid off from the State. I finally was offered a job as a 911 dispatcher at the same time Scott was offered the store in Juneau. We decided to take the Juneau one, even though this job was the only one I'd even gotten a nibble on. I prepared myself to start all over again in Juneau, this time without any connections. The funny thing is, though, since I started applying, nearly every application I sent out I've been asked to interview for. The difference is ridiculous! Tomorrow, the day I fly in, I have three interviews in one afternoon, and this week (Monday and Tuesday) I've done two phone interviews already. Oh yeah, and I'm starting a temp job on Thursday that the company is hoping I'm going to be permanent. I'm actually feeling a little nauseous about making the decision on which job to take. It would be much easier if there was just one job, and the decision is easily made. What a trial to have, right? Too many good things happening? I never would have thought this would be my blessing/trial even three weeks ago.

But anyway, I'm so excited for my new Alaska adventure to start tomrrow. I'm falling asleep as I type this, so I'm gonna finish up. Hopefully I'll do better keeping y'all up to date in the future!

13 days!

13 days until Scott gets home! Not that I'm counting or anything. Man, do I miss him, and it's manifesting itself in the weirdest ways. I have a constant desire to eat at his favorite teriyaki restaurant, and I can't get enough of a particular granola bar which I don't think was particularly his favorite, but one of the last days together, he gave me one to eat, and now it's linked to his memory. I am compulsively reading his favorite series of books (or, well, listening to them whenever I can, anyway - who knew I'd be a geek who listens to books on tape? But I just don't have time to actually sit down and read). I'm listening to his music rather than mine, and I get choked up each time I put on the jewelry he's given me. I sleep on his side of the bed, and often end up sleeping sideways in bed (but it's much more annoying when he does it because I'm in bed, too, and he's either laying on top ofme or pushing me to the foot of the bed or even off the bed). Oh honey, I miss you, and I can'twait to see you again - in 13 days!

So I pretty much have the best neighbors in the world! During all this time of craziness without my husband, they've constantly been asking if there's anything they can do for us... and actually meaning it. Of course, being the stubborn girl I am, I say I'm doing fine, then cry in my bedroom at night. Haha! But do they care? Nope! They just keep on inviting us over for dinner, or roping me into chatting with them for an hour when the electricity's off, or just being good folks. Most recently, the husband, Greg, was out of town camping, so Tawny invited us to have a campfire and make s'mores with her and her son, Ethan. And what a great night! We roasted

the HUGE campfire marshmallows the have now, ate s'mores, and had fun watching the kids do... guess... get muddy! Thank you, Tawny, for being such a great neighbor and taking care of me even when I say I don't need it.

Here's R playing in the smoke. She was gracefully flapping her arms and saying she was angel. It took me a minute to figure it out, but finally I realized she was on a cloud of smoke being and angel. How cute is that?

I eventually got rakes and shovels, etc. out to eventually bury the fire. The kids took to this very quickly and started raking all the dirt and ashes into the pit. I thought they were just having fun and being helpful, until they thanked me for letting them make more fire. They apparently thought that since they were putting more stuff on the fire, it would burn longer. Oops!! Luckily neighbor Ethan started playing with the hose and pouring water in the fire. I think they thought that explained why the fire went out.

Of course, where there's water and dirt, I have trained the kids very well to make mud and get dirty. The only problem was the sun was setting and it was already a cooler day, and there was a bit of a breeze. But they stilled filled up their favorite mud hole and sat in it. They just covered themselves up with their favorite tarp. What you don't see in this picture is it shaking as E shivered uncontrollably. It was sooo funny. But did he want to come in? Nope! He did eventually come out with teeth chattering and stutter out, "Mama, I need a sweater." Haha! As he's dripping wet and covered in mud. What a sweet boy. At that point, I decided it was time to come in and put them in a hot shower.

Thanks, Tawny and Ethan, for coming over and taking care of us. You're definitely the best neighbors we've ever had!

A-Hiking We Will Go!

This morning the kiddos and I went hiking up the Umptanum Ridge. The kids loved it! We were surrounded by chipmunks and squirrels and birds... and mosquitos! We got as far as the waterfall, then I decided to stop. There were a couple scares with E tripping and falling, or running andnearly falling head-first down a sheer cliff, and before we were even halfway to the waterfall, he had blisters. But man is he a tough guy, and he wanted to slog on! Especially since there was lots of mud and throwing rocks in the stream. All in all, it was just a pleasant morning. And then to make good days even better: I checked my e-mail, and Scott bought his airline ticket to come down here, and it's a day earlier than expected! Hooray!!! I love you, babe, and I can't wait to see you again!

Summer Mud Baths

The kids have obviously found my weakness: mud! Something about the kids getting absolutely covered in mud makes my soul sing!

The changes that have happened in them very often seem so small because they've come about so gradually, but when I look at what the three of them were like just a year ago when they initially came into our home, I can now smile, and say we've given their childhood back. When I see them happily playing in the mud, I now smile as I remember being exasperated and ushering them outside. When they cried, "There's nothing to do out there!" I can retrospectively giggle at their tears when I turned the hose on, and said (or maybe yelled) "GET DIRTY!" despite their fear of doing so. Oh sure, I trip and fall in the hole they've made in the middle of the yard with their wallowing, but I trip then giggle.

I no longer roll my eyes while remembering their first time through the car wash with us. To this day I still get a little giddy when I go through it. I felt like such a fun mother because I was letting the kids go through with me! Imagine my sadness when just sat inside the car as the rubber fingers massage pink and purple foam into the car, and they just looked around and said, "What fun is this? It's not doing anything to us. We're just sitting here." I no longer roll my eyes because last week I took them to the car wash and I had to cover my ears because they were screaming and giggling so loudly as the giant squid attacked our car and ate us, but not without spraying us all over with its ink.

I no longer fume as I remember turning on the sprinkler for the kids to run through last summer, and them just walking through it once and staring at it wondering what they were supposed to do with it. Instead I fume that I can't get them inside from running through the sprinklers and making castles and fortresses and fighting fire breathing dragons.

Oh, sure, I still have to remind K often that I'm the parent, and to stop fussing over his siblings. Oh sure, I still have to pry an independent opinion out of R as she clings desperately to pleasing everyone at her own expense. Oh sure, I still have to unwrap E's arms from around my leg and leave him sobbing each morning at daycare.

It's a strange phenomenon we have in our family, I think. Most mothers are trying to teach their kids to grow up, and we're trying to teach or kids to be young. I guess that's what Scott and I get for being so backwards ourselves!

Six weeks!

I know I'm a little late sharing all this, but Randy's off in Alaska now. He's living with a couple of guys from our church, and moaning about having roommates again! The day he left, we had one last fun family outing to the Pacific Science Center. I must say, it was not as exciting at 29 as it was at 9. Isn't it funny what 20 years will do to ones' perspective? Anyway, we did the Science Center and dropped Papa off at the airport. We then went up to the top of the parking garage (cause of course we had to go around and around and around to the top!) and watched "his" airplane leave for Alaska. Incidentally, according to E, every plane we see now is "Papa's plane." Apparently he is permanently stuck in the sky. Along with the Holy Ghost, but that's another story. How are we surviving, you ask? One day at a time! We have good days and bad days. We laugh and we cry. I was helping my parents type up some letters my grandpa had written my grandma during... one of the wars, and I was hit by a wave of gratitude for Skype! And I was talking to my parents, and when they were engaged, my mom was in Texas and my dad was in Alaska, and it was $.40/minute to call each other! Thank goodness for cell phones! Having Randy gone has definitely shown us how much we love Randy, and what a rock he was in our family. We love you, Papa! We'll see you in six weeks!